


Cowboys and horses

by Mialienes



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mialienes/pseuds/Mialienes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun meets Zhou Woody. Alternative summary: Kyuhyun has awful friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cowboys and horses

"You did what," Kyuhyun asks flatly, voice low and quiet, eyes flashing as he glares across the table at his two best friends. 

"It was Donghae's idea!" Sungmin says hastily, pointing at him. "He did it!"

Donghae is unapologetic as he stirs sugar into his coffee, a serene expression on his face. "It's for your own good, Kyu. You'll enjoy it. It's been way too long since you had a date with anything other than your computer."

"So you thought it'd be a good idea to sign me up for online dating? And set me up on a date?" Kyuhyun's voice is so calm he even surprises himself. In his head he's already thinking of inventive ways to murder Donghae and Sungmin. He looks at the teaspoon in his hand and wonders how painful death by teaspoon would be. 

"This guy looks really nice?" Sungmin offers hesitantly. "And he's really excited to meet you! He wrote this big long message about how cute you look and how nice your shoulders are and ummm…"

Kyuhyun has horrible friends who do horrible things. "What photo did you put up?" he demands.

"Well… that one of you in Santorini, the one by the pool?"

The photo where Kyuhyun is topless. He narrows his eyes. "I am going to kill you both and cut you into such small pieces no one will ever find your bodies."

Sungmin laughs nervously, shrinking back into his seat. "Haha funny… you're so funny…" 

"Relax, we needed a good photo to hook people in," Donghae tells Kyuhyun. "And it worked. We had so many responses. Most were a bit weird though." He wrinkles his nose. "You should be more grateful. You don't know how many weirdos there are on the internet. There was this one guy who liked turtles who seemed oddly fascinated with your philtrum. And this other one who wanted to know if you'd let Jesus into your life." He frowns. "Actually, it's a wonder we managed to find one normal cute guy."

"I'm not meeting him."

Donghae ignores him. "So this guy's name is Zhou Mi. His photo was cute and he seems really friendly. He likes animals and you like animals."

"I hate animals."

Donghae dismisses his comment with a wave of his hand, flinging coffee drops across the table due to the spoon he's still holding. "You like animals. What else can we tell you about him. He seems to really like Halloween and the outdoors."

Sungmin pipes up. "He's hot, that's all you need to know." 

"So basically I have nothing in common with him. That's just great. I'm not meeting him." Kyuhyun would rather eat his socks. He'd rather eat Donghae's socks. He crosses his arms and tries not to look petulant. 

"And…. he'll be here in five minutes."

"WHAT." 

Donghae grins and moves his chair closer to Kyuhyun, the legs squeaking as he slides it across the wooden floor. "Well we figured that you would say no, so… surprise!" He drapes an arm around Kyuhyun's shoulder and holds him in his seat, refusing to let him leave. Kyuhyun wriggles pathetically for a moment before heaving a sigh and giving up, flopping back down. Damn Donghae and his muscles.

"Kyuhyun?" Kyuhyun looks up at the tall stranger who has stopped at their table. He's wearing a pair of worn in blue jeans, a faded v neck tshirt, and a bright smile. Kyuhyun's first thought is legs legs legs, followed by oh collarbones, then oh my god how can someone smile so widely, doesn't his face hurt? 

"Um," he stutters incoherently, temporarily rendered speechless. Donghae and Sungmin were right - he _is_ cute. He checks out the man's legs again.

"You must be Zhou Mi!" Sungmin exclaims. "You made it. Take a seat, Donghae and I were just leaving." They get up to leave, Donghae turning around to give Kyuhyun a double thumbs up and mouthing "Good luck!" as they go. 

Zhou Mi folds his lanky figure into the chair across from Kyuhyun and smiles at him. "You were set up, weren't you?" 

Kyuhyun frowns and nods. "I'm going to be busy later committing murder. You'll be my alibi, right? I know we've just met but this is partly your fault."

Zhou Mi laughs, showing off his even white teeth, and Kyuhyun can't help but think that he's quite attractive. He shreds a napkin in anguish. 

"Well, since it is partly my fault I'm happy to provide an alibi. But maybe… give me a chance? Just five minutes! I promise I'm good company. If you still want to leave after that I won't stop you."

Kyuhyun could leave now but… as much as he hates to admit it - Donghae and Sungmin are right. It's been too far too long since he was on a date. His last relationship ended years ago and the other day he found himself comparing instant ramen brands in the supermarket aisle. When the highlight of your week is sitting on the couch in your snuggie and eating instant ramen, it's probably time to get out more. 

Zhou Mi is smiling at Kyuhyun. It's not as bright a smile as his first one. There's a bit of shyness edging in, some uncertainty and hesitancy, and it's the shyness that tips Kyuhyun over the edge. 

Zhou Mi perks at Kyuhyun's grudging agreement and orders himself a coffee from a passing waiter. The agreed five minutes pass quickly as Zhou Mi manages to make easy small talk, gradually drawing Kyuhyun out of his grumpiness at being set up. Kyuhyun finds that he doesn't want to leave after all.

"So…" Zhou Mi smooths down his bangs in a nervous manner. "You might think this is a silly question. But - how do you feel about horses?" 

Kyuhyun's head furrows. He hates horses. They're big and smelly and their poop is the size of his face. Plus they're kind of scary. The first (and last) time he went for a horse ride, he had almost toppled off and then his horse had tried to eat him. But, despite his initial misgivings, he's actually really enjoying Zhou Mi's company and he doesn't want to scare him off so soon.

"Horses are… well, who doesn't like horses right?" Kyuhyun deflects with a hesitant laugh, crossing his fingers under the table. 

A look of relief crosses Zhou Mi's face, not realising that Kyuhyun hasn't really answered his question. "You'd be surprised, there's so many people out there who hate horses. I don't know why! It might seem silly, it's just that horses are a really big part of my life." 

"Umm, why do you ask? What do you do?"

"Oh! Sorry, I should have realised your friends wouldn't have shown you my photo. I'm a cowboy." 

"A cowboy…" Kyuhyun repeats slowly, completely flummoxed. He didn't realise cowboys still existed outside of movies and porn. He mentions this to Zhou Mi, leaving out the porn part. 

"Oh course cowboys still exist. Although I don't tend cattle very often nowadays, I'm more of a wrangler. But it's easier to say cowboy because people know what that is."

"A wrang what?"

"A wrangler, I look after the saddle horses that the other cowboys use." 

Kyuhyun has no idea what he's talking about. Thinking about cowboy porn has given him all kinds of mental images that are currently lingering in his mind. Whips and leather and boots and chaps and oh my. His brain fizzles. 

Zhou Mi gives him an odd look, his head tilted to one side, as he stifles a laugh. "Yes, I do own a whip. I don't use it a lot though. I prefer a gentler touch." He lifts a hand up to cover his mouth, but Kyuhyun can see the amusement in his eyes. 

Kyuhyun chokes on air as he realises that he voiced his thoughts out loud. "I was just curious," he stammers out, his face burning red hot. 

"It's okay, really. I have boots and leather chaps too," Zhou Mi says with a wink. Kyuhyun didn't think he could turn any redder, but apparently he was wrong. Zhou Mi giggles and apologises. "I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you." Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow. "Okay, I'm laughing at you a little bit," he amends. "Hey, I have to head back to the ranch, but I really enjoyed meeting you. Do you… would you… want to get together again sometime?" The shyness is back and ugh it does something to Kyuhyun. He agrees. 

"Great!" Zhou Mi smiles brightly. He reaches out his hand for Kyuhyun's phone so he can enter his phone number. Kyuhyun watches as Zhou Mi texts himself so he has Kyuhyun's number too. "Maybe we can go for a ride sometime. I'd love to show you the ranch." 

"Ahhh, sure, that sounds good," Kyuhyun lies. If sometime means never, he's completely up for it. 

"Cool, maybe next week? I'll message you the details." Zhou Mi stands up, kind of hesitant and awkward, until he shakes his head at himself. He leans over the table and gives Kyuhyun a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. 

Kyuhyun lifts a hand to his cheek where Zhou Mi kissed him. Next week? Kyuhyun is fucked.

*

As soon as Kyuhyun arrives home, his flatmate Henry accosts him in the hall before he can even take his shoes off.

"Soooo, how was the date?" he asks eagerly.

Kyuhyun groans as he bends down to untie his shoelaces. "You were in on it too?" 

Henry shrugs. "You and the couch were starting to become one. An intervention was necessary. I did my part by throwing out your snuggie." He follows Kyuhyun into the kitchen, ignoring Kyuhyun's noise of anguish. "But seriously - how did it go?"

Kyuhyun opens the fridge for a drink and considers how much to tell Henry. "He was... nice."

"Nice?" Henry scoffs. "So he's boring."

"No, no, he's not boring. I had a good time, it's just that..."

"What is it? He found out that you're boring? Already?"

Kyuhyun finally locates a bottle of soda, pulling it out and closing the fridge. He leans his back against the door and holds the cold bottle to his forehead. "I'm just worried that he won't like me. I kind of lied about something." An icy drip of water rolls down between his eyes and down the slope of his nose. "Zhou Mi, he's... he's a cowboy and I may have told him I-like-horses-and-we're-going-for-a-ride-next-week..." he says in a quick garbled burst of words.

Henry bursts into laughter, laughing so hard he has to hold on to the table to stay upright. "You? Like horses?" he wheezes. "You're deathly afraid of horses. Remember the last time you went on a ride and you almost peed yourself in terror?" 

"Henrrrry, shut up," Kyuhyun whines. The chill from the soda finally penetrates his brain and he has a flash of inspiration. "Help me! You can help me!"

In between breaths of laughter, Henry manages to ask, "Help you? How am I meant to help you?"

"I don't know! You're Canadian! Don't Canadians ride horses everywhere? Teach me how to make horses like me!" 

Henry chokes in indignation. "No, we don't ride horses everywhere. We have cars and trains and buses and electricity, just like a normal country." 

"Normal country, whatever. C'mon Henry, help me, please." 

Henry straightens and regards him seriously with wide eyes. "You must actually like this guy." He thinks for a moment, an evil look passing through his face. "Okay," he agrees. "I'll help you. But you're doing my laundry for a month."

"Two weeks." 

Henry shrugs. "Okay, good enough. I'll make a phone call and we can start tomorrow." 

Kyuhyun makes a move towards him and Henry warns, "If you hug me, the deal's off."

Kyuhyun flicks some water from the condensation of the bottle at him. "As if I'd hug you. I know how rarely you shower."

*

The next day Henry takes them to a nearby park. Kyuhyun is immediately suspicious. It doesn't look like the sort of park that has horses - not even horse drawn carriage rides.

"Relax, Kyu. This is just step one. We're starting small."

And by small, Henry was being literal. Small meant: ponies.

Henry greets his friend enthusiastically, giving the shorter man a bro hug. "Kyuhyun, this is my friend Ryeowook."

Kyuhyun ignores him. "Pony rides?" He looks at the spotted pony standing placidly next to Ryeowook. It's brown with large white spots, a long mane of caramel hair, and it barely reaches Kyuhyun's shoulder. "This is your idea of helping?"

"It's nice to meet you, Kyuhyun," Ryeowook says politely, stroking the pony's neck gently. Kyuhyun flushes as he realises how rude he's being.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "It's nice to meet you. Thanks for offering to help me. I just... ponies? It's not really a horse." The pony lifts its head and nickers softly. Kyuhyun takes a step back. 

"Sorry pony, I don't mean that you're less than a horse. You're just... small… er. Please-don't-eat-me."

Ryeowook is frowning and Henry has his fist stuffed into his mouth to stop himself from laughing. 

Kyuhyun looks down at Ryeowook, who's about as petite as the pony. "Not that small things aren't good, there's nothing wrong with being small... ummm..." Kyuhyun says, trailing off. "Henry," he hisses, turning to his flatmate. "Make me stop talking."

"Hang on, let me find you a shovel for that hole you're digging," Henry laughs. Kyuhyun reaches out and smacks him lightly on the head. "Wook, don't mind him, he doesn't mean to be so dumb. He was just born that way." Kyuhyun smacks him again, harder this time. It doesn't stop Henry's laughter. Kyuhyun considers hitting him for the third time but Henry dances out of reach. 

Kyuhyun decides to try again. "Ryeowook, I appreciate your help. What's the pony's name?" Kyuhyun asks. 

"Her name is Molly," Ryeowook responds. Fortunately he doesn't seem like the kind to hold a grudge. "She's sweet and very docile. Would you like to give her a pat?" 

Kyuhyun shakes his head but Henry shoves him closer to Molly. She nuzzles Kyuhyun's hair and snorts, blowing a gust of warm air into his scalp. Kyuhyun freezes in terror. 

"It's okay, she won't bite you," Ryeowook reassures him. "Try stroking her neck." 

Kyuhyun lifts a shaky hand to her neck, stroking her so lightly he barely touches her. When Molly doesn't seem to react, he becomes slightly braver, stroking his hand down her mane. He's doing this! He's touching a horse - well, a pony, but it's horse _shaped_ \- and he hasn't been bitten or fainted from fear. And it's not so bad. Molly is looking at him with her big brown eyes and he thinks that maybe he's gotten horses - and horse shaped things - all wrong. 

"Step 1, success!" Henry crows. Molly tosses her head and whinnies and Kyuhyun freezes again. 

"Almost a success," Henry clarifies. "Close enough."

*

Kyuhyun's coworker, Heechul, leans over the wall of the cubicle just as Kyuhyun finishes a call with a customer. "Soooo?" he asks eagerly. "How was the date?"

Kyuhyun groans. "Does everyone know?"

Heechul shrugs. "Yup." 

"I hate my friends," Kyuhyun mutters. "And the date went well, thanks." 

"How did you go with the pony?" 

"OH MY GOD. Who told you? I'm going to kill Henry."

"Henry told Donghae, who told Sungmin, who told me." 

"Tell Sungmin to tell Donghae to tell Henry that he's going to die."

Heechul chuckles, as if Kyuhyun is joking. Heechul slithers into Kyuhyun's cubicle and props himself on Kyuhyun's desk. He idly pushes a few keys on Kyuhyun's keyboard as Kyuhyun frowns and tries to pull it out of reach. 'Sungmin showed me his photo - he's hot. Is he really a cowboy or does he just like to play dress ups?"

"He's a cowboy. Or a wrangler. I don't know what the difference is, but apparently there's a difference." 

"Wow. Hey, if things don't work out, give him my number. I've had a thing for cowboys ever since Brokeback Mountain." Heechul gives him a sleazy wink that makes Kyuhyun feel dirty. "I hear all that horse riding gives really good thigh muscle control." 

Kyuhyun holds up a hand. "Stop, thanks for visiting, please go away and share your inappropriate thoughts with someone else before I file a complaint and make you do some work." 

Heechul smirks but backs off. "You don't know how much paperwork is involved whenever someone files a complaint against me. It sucks being HR." He hands over the files he's been holding. "By the way, these are from Hyukjae. He wants you to call these clients and check on their accounts."

"Fine. Now please go away and practice your harassment on someone else." 

"Okaaaay. And don't forget, if you're not interested in Mr Cowboy, I am." Heechul saunters off as Kyuhyun slaps himself in the forehead. He really needs new friends.

*

"Please turn left. Please turn left." 

Kyuhyun swears loudly. The GPS on his dash is demanding that he turn left but he's on a straight road driving through a forest. 

"SHUT UP. I CAN'T TURN LEFT," he yells at it. 

"Please turn left." 

Frustrated, he pulls over and turns the GPS unit off. Now that the nagging voice is gone, he can think again. He digs out a road map from his glovebox. It's about twenty years old, but hopefully he can figure out where he's meant to be headed.

He's on his way to see Zhou Mi, having been unable to say no to the increasingly excited messages decorated with a liberal usage of emoticons inviting him out for a visit. 

Finally, 45 minutes late, flustered and tired, he pulls into the ranch, driving up to the main building. As Kyuhyun parks his car, Zhou Mi comes out the front door. He's dressed in cowboy boots, faded blue jeans, and a navy-blue cotton button up shirt, with a cowboy hat in his hands. 

"Hey! You made it!" He greets Kyuhyun with a hug when he steps out of his car.

"No thanks to my GPS," Kyuhyun grumbles. "Why can't you live in the city like a normal person?"

"And miss out on all this?" Zhou Mi asks, waving to indicate the scenery. 

Kyuhyun is a city person through and through, but he does have to admit - it's beautiful out here. About an hour from the city (an hour and 45 if you get lost) the ranch sits in a large valley, surrounded by tree covered mountains. The air is crisp and fresh and the only noise is the wind, birdsong, and the occasional moo from cattle. 

Zhou Mi hooks his arm into Kyuhyun's and takes him on a walk, leading him to the stables. On the way he rattles on about the ranch and how it operates it. 

Kyuhyun's nervous when they enter the stables, but he has visited Molly a couple of times and hopes that he won't make a fool of himself. There's a stablehand busy in the corner as they enter, and he greets them with a wave and a smile. Zhou Mi takes Kyuhyun around to introduce him to the horses. Zhou Mi strokes the horses gently on the nose as he passes, and they preen into his touch, nickering softly. Kyuhyun hangs back as much as possible without making it obvious. 

After they've walked the length of the stables, Zhou Mi turns to him. "So I thought we could go for a quick ride, and I can show you some more of the land. You've ridden before, right?"

"Ahhh… I haven't in a long time." Kyuhyun isn't sure if his one horse riding experience counts as riding. Does sitting on a horse count as riding? 

'Well, it's like riding a bicycle, you never forget," Zhou Mi chirps. "I'll put you on Jimmy, one of our geldings. He's calm but still has a bit of spark." Zhou Mi takes him over to Jimmy's box. He's a large horse with a long face and a glistening bay coat with white socks above his hooves. Zhou Mi leads him out and starts to saddle him up. 

This is really going to happen. Kyuhyun is going to get on that horse. He tries not to hyperventilate at the thought. He wants to impress Zhou Mi, and he doesn't think fainting on him will achieve that. Zhou Mi hands Kyuhyun the reins as he goes to saddle a horse for himself. Kyuhyun holds them limply in his hands, unsure of what he's meant to do. Jimmy seems to be assessing him, ears pricked forward and eyes bright. He gives a sudden snort and Kyuhyun jumps. 

"Are you sure this is okay with your boss?" 

Zhou Mi has his back to him as he's saddling up his own horse, a jet black stallion with a white stripe on his forehead. His back straightens, as he says with amusement, "Yeah, it's fine. The boss is cool." 

When Zhou Mi has finished saddling his horse, he indicates for Kyuhyun to follow him as he walks them out of the stable. 

Kyuhyun stares up at his horse helplessly. How is he meant to get up? 

"Do you need some help?" Zhou Mi asks, clasping his hands together and leaning down so Kyuhyun can use it as a boost. He clambers up, hoping that Zhou Mi didn't watch him flail as he scrambles into the saddle.

Because of course Zhou Mi makes it look easy as he swings a long leg over his horse's back, gracefully seating himself. 

"Ready to go?" he asks as he turns to look at Kyuhyun. Then he frowns. "Are you okay?"

Kyuhyun is currently gripping the reins so tightly his knuckles are white. His legs are so tense he can feel a cramp coming. 

"Uh huh…" he lies, his teeth gritted. 

"Are you sure? You've very stiff… you have ridden before, right?"

Jimmy snorts and stamps his feet. Kyuhyun can't stop the involuntary shriek that bursts from him. "Whoa whoa whoa!"

Zhou Mi dismounts and walks over, holding out a hand. "Do you want to get down?" He helps Kyuhyun dismount. Kyuhyun is grateful that he doesn't embarrass himself further by faceplanting into the dirt. Even so, he's incredibly embarrassed. He stares down at the dirt in shame. 

'So when you said you've ridden before, did you mean a toy horse? A carousel? A broom with a horse's head?" Zhou Mi's tone is neutral, but when Kyuhyun finally looks up to meet his eyes, he can see that Zhou Mi is trying not to laugh. 

"Are you?" He pokes Zhou Mi in the chest. "Are you laughing at me?" 

Zhou Mi grins as he pulls him into a hug, patting his back gently in comfort. "I'm sorry. I've never seen someone so uncomfortable before! Why didn't you just tell me?" 

"I don't know," Kyuhyun mumbles into Zhou Mi's chest, the fabric of his shirt soft under his cheek. Zhou Mi has a very nice chest, he thinks idly. He wonders if he can just stay here forever. "It seemed so important to you. And I wanted to impress you?" 

"Well I don't know about impress, but you've certainly made an impression." 

"Hey!" 

Kyuhyun pokes him again and Zhou Mi releases him, laughing softly before whispering in his ear, "It's okay I think it's cute." His face lights up as Kyuhyun flushes bright red. "Let's just go for a walk?" 

Walking. Two legs. No large smelly animals involved. Kyuhyun nods, hoping he doesn't look too frantically eager. "Yes please."

*

Heechul drops by Kyuhyun's desk, holding a paper bag. He holds it out to Kyuhyun and asks, "How's things going with Mr Cowboy? Have you given him my number yet?"

Kyuhyun looks into the bag and pulls out a donut, managing to avoid dropping sugar all over his desk. "His name is Zhou Mi. And things are going well. You're not getting your hands on him." They've been seeing each other regularly for the past month and… Kyuhyun bites back a little smile at the thought of him. It's going better than well. And Zhou Mi hasn't made him get on a horse again, although he can tell he's working him up to it. 

Heechul pouts. "I just wasted a donut on you then. You have to give me the dirty details. Has he taken you for a ride? Or... perhaps you've ridden him?" 

Kyuhyun chokes and blows out a mouthful of sugar. "Heechul!"

"What? C'mon share. I tell you about my dates."

"I've asked you to stop telling me about your dates! I'm mentally scarred for life!" He shudders at the memories. "But…" Kyuhyun grins to himself. "You were right about the thigh muscle control thing." 

Heechul's squeal of delight can be heard from the other side of the office.


End file.
